You've finished your script (or pilot, or novel), and now you have to sell (pitch) it but that dratted logline.
As someone who has coached writers for the last sixteen years, I find that this one thing is something they fear the most.
I understand as a logline can make or break your career----dun dun dun----NOT TRUE, but it can hurt your chances of being read.
When I was a reader, now they say script analysis, for the studios, doing coverage, we had to write loglines for every since script that came in. That's how I got good at it.
Not everyone can go get that job, and I'm not saying that you have to in order to write a good logline but it helped me as the executives, producers, and directors would kick them back until they were strong enough.
Now, it's 2024, and I run query workshops and work with writers 1:1, and the logline still trips them up.
I'm giving you some common pitfalls, and then I will show you some working loglines from films, TV shows, and novels.
NOTE: Pitching novels is a little different as usually you also have that pitch paragraph to lean on, your "pitch sentence" or logline is the first sentence of that.
Let's talk about screenwriting for now, but the mistakes are the same for all mediums, at least in my experience.
You are writing a mini-synopsis, putting in way too much exposition. But, Stephanie, I need them to know why. No, you don't. The logline is to get them to want to learn why, how, and who.
You aren't clear in your descriptions. This means that you are putting in descriptions but not ones that matter. For example, we don't need to know what someone looks like in the logline or even their personality, with only a few exceptions of that being the driving force that is driving the story. Example: Rouge cop, so in so. Unhinged wife and mother does....
The logline doesn't match the tone of the pages. You have written a hilarious logline but then you have a drama.
The logline isn't correct for the genre, which is similar to the above.
You haven't included the problem-the thing driving your story.
I have no idea who the main character is. This happens a lot, usually when writers put in too many characters in their loglines.
I have no idea what the story is really about.
It's too general.
These are the big ones.
There are a lot of books on loglines and courses, and everyone has their own opinion on what works. Everything on this blog are my opinions on why they aren't working, and trust me, even ones that work sometimes don't work.
I recently sent out a logline to a manager who didn't like it and replied, "Oh I don't like family films" Based on the logline I sent for a holiday comedy that will be PG13 or R rated, so not a family comedy but it got me thinking about how it was clear in my head but not on the page.
I rewrote it and sent it again, and he said, "Oh, now that sounds fun."
Here goes.
The formula that works for me is
X is Y until Z
X- your protagonist
Y-their status quo when the story starts
Z-the thing that launches them into the story *usually the inciting incident
If you have a logline like this, it's got way too much information and I'm bored, confused, and hit delete.
A miserable boy, who has no friends at school, and his parents died, and now he has been forced to live with relatives who don't like him, or treat him well goes to a zoo and only talks to a snake which causes bullying by his cousin, and then one night an owl visits him dropping off letters that will change his life forever. He goes to a special school and meets Ron and Hermoine who help him defeat an evil wizard.
Do you know what story that is?
Now, imagine this.
A boy who lives with his aunt and uncle finds out that his parents were killed and a family secret after an owl comes and drops off a letter, and he goes to a special school.
What about this?
Eleven-year-old Harry lives under the stairs at his abusive aunt and uncle's until he finds out that he's a wizard.
HARRY POTTER is the story.
WHO: Eleven-year-old Harry. That descriptor of his age tells us who he is and gives us clue to what type of story it is. An 80-year-old living under stairs is a different book.
CURRENT STATUS: he lives with his abusive aunt & uncle, and they force him to live under the stairs. I personally think we could even drop "abusive," but just to be clear, as this is a middle-grade book/movie.
WHAT HAPPENS: to launch the story? He finds out that he is a wizard.
His problem is in the status and what happens--he finds out that he is a wizard.
Now, let's look at who isn't there? Voldemort, Ron, Ginny, Hermoine, Hagrid, Dumbledore, or an owl-we meet them because we read or watched after reading that this is about an abused child who discovers that he is a wizard.
I find that writers want to include everything in TV pilots, but you don't need to.
Here are some with complex plots and multiple characters yet short and simple loglines that hook us in.
TV SHOWS
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Level-headed son Michael Bluth takes over family affairs after his father is imprisoned.
PARKS and RECREATION: The absurd antics of an Indiana town's public officials as they pursue sundry projects to make the city a better place.
JANE THE VIRGIN: A young devout Catholic discovers that she was artificially inseminated.
Who and what is not in the logline of Jane The Virgin? Sin Rostro, Rafael, her mother, her granny, her boyfriend, how it happens, the hotel, the scandals, the criminal activity.
FEATURE FILMS
DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE: Deadpool is offered a place in the Marvel Cinematic Universe by the Time Variance Authority, but instead recruits a variant of Wolverine to save his universe from extinction.
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA: A smart but sensible new graduate lands a job as an assistant to Miranda Priestly, the demanding editor-in-chief of a high fashion magazine.
GROUNDHOG DAY: A narcissistic, self-centered weatherman finds himself in a time loop on Groundhog Day
Who is not in this logline? Rita, how it happens, how much he hates the small town he's in, how he treats others, the producer, his co-worker, or the groundhog.
Why? It's not needed. We tune in because the idea of a self-centered person getting stuck is enough.
It begs us to ASK THE QUESTION.
What happens?
I want you to do an exercise before you write your logline.
Write down the following.
GENRE
TONE (comedy or drama)
WHO (the main character)
WHAT is the status quo
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM
Now, you have the tools to write a good logline.
Got it?
Let's break that down.
LEGALLY BLONDE
GENRE - Comedy
TONE - light & fun
WHO - Elle, a sorority queen
STATUS QUO - is about to get engaged.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? He breaks up with her, so she has to find a way to get him back. She follows him to law school.
LOGLINE: When a sorority queen is dumped by her boyfriend, she follows him to law school to get him back.
Thank you for reading. If you found this helpful please share on social and tag me @stephobourbon
Happy writing!!!
XOXO
Steph
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