Some advice on how to handle industry bullies.
This is a business of connections, and this post/article/blog, today is about how people connect with others who they don't know.
I've been in this industry in one way or another since I was a child. Yup, so many, many years. I moved to Los Angeles 34 years ago to pursue a career as a television actress; at least, that was the goal.
I worked on stage, television, and the big screen, and then after finishing my degree in acting in New York, while working at the Cheesecake Factory in LA, I did something unexpected: I went into animation, where I worked as a character artist for many years.
I loved working in animation as I could stay in the film industry but didn't have to audition all the time or worry about my looks, my weight, etc. It was a win-win. I also optioned my first screenplay 28 years ago, and Disney gave me that opportunity.
I love this industry so much, but it's not easy. I find that people, especially newbies, but even those who have been in for a while, often treat people not the way they want to be treated but based on this supposed fame and or whatever they decide what makes someone worthy.
It's pretty gross.
I've been lucky to find many genuine and real friends throughout the years, but I have also run across many fake and just not nice people.
This said, sometimes it's hard to know feel like Rudolph-you know treated like crap and then used when they decide he has something they want.
I'm certainly not jaded or bitter, even if I understand it might feel that way. I just want to share my experiences so you can handle it better when it happens to you, and if you stick around, it probably will. Human nature is a tricky one.
I don't use people-EVER.
I will contact someone and point blankly ask them for help, but I don't treat people as less, and then I pretend to like them when I see how that could help me.
NOTE: Always be nice to others, ALWAYS. You just don't know who knows who.
A little story of how this particular blog post came to be. I've been a part of this online writing community now for almost five years. I have brought many people into this group, but since I was focused on coaching and dealing with personal things, I wasn't as active as I became in 2023 and 2024, but I took a few workshops a year.
This past year I have been bullied in that group, treated like nothing from people in the faculty and generally made to feel worthless. Then suddenly, someone who knows me mentioned something about my past as a writer in the industry in a workshop. Now, all of a sudden, people who have been horrible all year are trying to be my "friends".
I have to be honest; people who have treated me like shit all year because they deemed me to be nothing (as I'm not famous) now requesting friendships or asking for favors when they've learned that I've worked in this industry for many decades and have options, etc. is pretty gross but not the worst thing happening in the world right now so I delete.
When I first worked at Disney, I heard this saying, "Be careful who you step on while on the way up because that's whose arse you'll be kissing on the way down" It was one of the first things that I was told from one of my leads.
I always warn new people in the industry that they have no idea how connected people are and never to mistreat someone.
Last summer, some of you know, I was bullied by newbie writers, and they made my life hell, one in a writing mentorship that I was part of and also gossiping and spreading lies about me. It was hard to press on, but I pressed on as a professional. In the professional workplace, many times, we are faced with those who aren't kind, and it's no different as a writer or creative. I showed up to a mentorship that I was in every week and did the work because despite this person being horrible in every way, I am a professional. It was hard ,though.
Last week, on FB, I rejected FIVE "friend" requests from people like this over the weekend, only to see them pop up again this morning. SIGH
Not only am I not going to connect with you, I am going to remember how you behaved. I wish everyone well and success, but I don't need to be a part of it.
One writer emailed me for a contact at a big studio, and when I said that I couldn't give it out, he disconnected with me and then called me names.
Here is some advice on how to respond when people act like this.
Disconnect from them.
Let it go and move on.
Don't get sucked into their drama.
Find a place that you do feel valued.
Always be kind, even to those who aren't.
Do what you do for you, not for them or anyone else.
I have found throughout life people who treat others poorly often aren't happy with themselves, but in a professional setting such as a writing group, a workshop, a writer's room, a retreat, or anything like that, it's not your job to be their therapist or accept their behavior.
It's hard, especially as a creative, because we are always being rejected. That is part of the job, so when people you trust or are in a community act horribly, it's easy to think it's about you and that you don't deserve to be there. You do. They probably don't, but you can't do anything about them.
There's that saying that success is the best revenge. I don't believe in revenge as I believe in Karma, but I think that being successful is always a good feeling.
You can't control how people act but you can control how you respond to it.
Focus on your writing/your work.
Make time for writers who support you.
Don't define your success on how others define you.
Leave groups and or settings that aren't healthy for you.
Always be professional.
Avoid gossip and going down that rabbit hole.
My father always taught us this. Beleive NONE of what you hear and HALF of what you see.
It's hard to do but I t hink he was right.
That's about it for this subject. I hope it's helpful. If you are new and nothing like this has happened to you, don't worry. This industry is filled with amazing people but like anywhere in life, those who behave badly will always creep out. I wrote this to share so people don't feel alone and also hopefully to help others get through it.
Have you had to deal with people like this in your writing/creative journey? How did you deal with it?
XO Steph!
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